Several years ago, the fitness center that I belonged to held a Maintain, Don’t Gain challenge.  We weighed in a day or two before Thanksgiving and then again, after New Year’s.  We won a t-shirt if our ending weight was the same or less than the beginning weight.

It helped me stay focused on what was important to me during that holiday season, and I think I even lost a couple pounds.  That experience inspired my new Maintain Dont Gain program , which begins on Sunday.

Instead of all the sacrifice, all the doing without, all the dessert skipping, gone in a month-long blur of holiday parties, family gatherings and festive food frenzies, this year do something different: no dieting, no depressing sacrifices, just common sense, motivation and fun.

Detox Adventure: T-1

When I first read Matrix Energetics, I was intrigued by the idea of morphic fields, and how we interact with them in a way that shapes us, and we strengthen them.  In particular, I recognized that there is a strong morphic field around how we are with food, weight and body image in this culture.  The thoughts, beliefs and constructs about what we should and shouldn’t eat, how we should move, the standards of beauty are all a part of, and supported by the energy we add to the morphic field on a daily basis.

Really, what’s exciting to me is the idea that by being aware of all that, and shifting just a little, we can re-shape the morphic field and change the culture.  Like a monkey inspired to wash a sweet potato on a remote island in the South Pacific. So, one of my intentions in changing the structures around food for a few days is to become aware of the thoughts, reactions, and beliefs that result from being outside my comfort zone.

“The Last Supper” is one of the games people play when engaging in the binge/deprivation cycle that is yo-yo dieting.  It’s the last indulgent eating before the pattern of denial starts, the feast before the famine.  As I’ve noticed experiencing hunger more frequently in the past few days, I’ve also noticed the part of me that’s afraid of  the hunger to come.  The part of me that wants to avoid discomfort.  The part that wants a big ol’ burger and fries for lunch today.

It brings to mind the stories around set-points and metabolism and what happens in the yo-yo dieting cycle and God knows, I don’t want to reinforce that.  Clever little gremlin.

My “last supper” is really lunch, as dinner the night before is part of the proscribed program.  I have a standing lunch appointment with a group of people, and word is that a local brewpub is on the agenda.  Great burgers and sweet potato fries. Sweet potatoes!  Right there on the menu to remind me what I am about:  inspired by the clarity of my desires to shift my behavior, and by doing so, impact the morphic field. 

Hmm… am I the monkey in this scenario?   What’s your inner monkey noticing today that will allow the morphic field to shift?

Talking on the phone with Dharma Buddy last week prior to his return to Colorado for three and a half weeks, he suggested that we do the Lemonade Master Cleanse.  For those not familiar with this extreme fast/diet, it means consuming nothing but lemonade with cayenne pepper and maple syrup for days on end.  Supposedly very health-enhancing. 

“No frickin’ way!” was my knee-jerk response.  We talked a bit, and I agreed to consider it.

I slept on it, and journaled, and pondered – and, to be honest, recruited evidence from several friends that  I did not want to do this.  The next day as I was getting ready to eat lunch, I noticed that my salad – normally a nourishing delight – was not all that appealing.  It was 11°F and snowing outside, and I wanted something warm and comforting like soup.  I imagined the prospect of only lemonade, and suddenly my salad was much more interesting.  I sent off an email to DB with a counter suggestion. 

Which is how I got myself into this: a seven-day detox starting on Saturday.  Already, I’ve eliminated alcohol and caffeine, and cut down on wheat, dairy and meat – mostly without physical symptoms. 

What has started to show up are some old patterns I thought I had “handled”.  Last night I was hungry later in the evening, and noticed that it felt like more than just physical hunger – there were the added tinges of desperation and craving that I have only experienced when restricting food.  Are there little beasties in my GI system that are not getting fed the way they are used to?

I declared up front that this is not about weight loss for me; it’s about exploring what my attachments and assumptions are, to be curious and fascinated by what shows up, to try out a different way of eating. 

And already, this morning, I woke up unusually hungry. My impulse was to jump on the scale, and I noticed that the number wasn’t particularly satisfying.  Noticing the patterns of thoughts and beliefs and responses.  I could commit to not weighing myself, and that feels like a closing down, when what I’m wanting now is to open to it all, to experience it all, and be curious and fascinated by it all.